


Mercy

by WhimsyNeptune



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Heavy Angst, Helpful Alex Danvers, Protective Alex Danvers, Romance, Sad Kara Danvers, Sad Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-06-18 05:59:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15479160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhimsyNeptune/pseuds/WhimsyNeptune
Summary: That night had changed everything. Kara texted her the next morning asking to meet up because they ‘needed to talk’, and Lena thought for sure it was over. That she was going to walk into Noonan’s a scared and fragile woman and leave as a forever destroyed and permanently broken one.However, when she got to Noonan’s, she saw Kara’s face, and before she could plead for forgiveness, her lips were captured by Kara’s, and the rest was history.





	1. Chapter 1

Lena Luthor had never thought she would ever experience true happiness.

As soon as she saw Kara Danvers, she instantly wanted her, craved her, felt _drawn_ to her, but she was a Luthor, the youngest Luthor, the only one left to deal with the fallout of the actions of her family, and she was cursed… So, she never dreamed in a million years that that sweet, beautiful, and perfect Kryptonian could ever love her; so what else could she do but hide her longing?

She hid her longing for just over three years when the unthinkable happened… She’d drunk dialed Kara and left her a forty-five-minute voicemail about all the things she loved about the blonde… She could have gone on forever, but her cell phone had died before she could.

That night had changed everything. Kara texted her the next morning asking to meet up because they ‘needed to talk’, and Lena thought for sure it was over. That she was going to walk into Noonan’s a scared and fragile woman and leave as a forever destroyed and permanently broken one.

However, when she got to Noonan’s, she saw Kara’s face, and before she could plead for forgiveness, her lips were captured by Kara’s, and the rest was history. 

Now, a year and an X-Kryptonite engagement ring later, she was living with Kara, getting to wake up every day next to the woman of her dreams, living in absolute bliss… Sometimes she still pinched herself to make sure that she wasn’t dreaming, but as she laid there, with Kara’s abdomen pressed tightly against her back, her strong arm wrapped around her, she knew that she wasn’t dreaming, because not even in her wildest dreams could she be this eternally happy.

She turned around in Kara’s tight embrace and smiled widely as she saw simmering blue eyes shining back at her.

 “Morning Sleeping Beauty.” Kara sang before she leaned in and connected their lips. Lena melted into the kiss; everything felt right in the world as she let herself get lost in everything that was Kara. She couldn’t wrap her head around why Kara Zor-El Danvers would ever fall for _her_ , but as long as she did, Lena would give all of herself to her.

They pulled back, and Lena cupped her hand around Kara’s cheek. “I can’t wait to marry you.” She crooned. “Do you know how much of a hold you have on me?”

Kara squeezed Lena closer to her. “Probably the exact same hold you have on me.” She whispered, pecking kisses all along Lena’s neck, sending waves of desire through Lena’s body. “And I can’t wait to marry you either. Let’s run away and elope.”

Lena let out a haughty chuckle. “My, My, Miss Danvers,  are we a bit anxious?.”

Kara nodded against Lena’s sternum. “Anxious to be Mrs. Danvers.”

Lena’s heart flipped in her chest, and butterflies came to life in her stomach. “I am too.” She croaked out.

Kara smiled. “So then, let’s do it? Tomorrow… as soon as the courthouse opens.”

“Are you sure?” Lena had never been a fan of the big dresses and hundreds of guests, but Kara had been adamant that she wanted at least a small ceremony, with Alex, and Eliza, Winn, and James all there. Along with whoever Lena wanted to be there on her side. (Which was no one.) So, she wanted to make sure that this wasn’t sleepy Kara talking, who would forget all about this in the morning.

Kara smiled. “You already have an engagement ring that is going to let you stay alive as long as me, so why wouldn’t I want you to have the same last name as me already?”

“I just want you to be sure, Kara.”

“I’m always sure when it comes to you, Lee. Always.”

Lena’s heart refused to slow down as she smiled. “I would do it in an instant if I didn’t think you’d regret not having a ceremony.”

“We can have the ceremony later, Lee. But making it official can just be you, me and Alex at the courthouse. I just want to be your wife.”

Lena smiled and nodded her head as she stared into Kara’s blue eyes. In less than twenty-four hours she was going to be Mrs. Lena Danvers.

She was finally going to be with Kara for eternity.  
She was finally going to have true happiness.  
She was finally going to be rid of the Luthor curse.

And it was all because of one drunken phone call…

She had never been more thankful for alcohol in her entire life.

“Okay.”

**XXX**

Lena was furious that she’d been called into the office, she’d wanted to enjoy the day with Kara, but she was even more angry that Kara had been forced to leave her day of rest to fight the last remaining remnants of Cadmus.

She watched on the screen as their kryptonite bullets bounced off of the Kryptonite proof suit she’d made for Kara six months ago.

She smiled proudly at the tv as she watched Supergirl knock out three of the four remaining imbeciles with her freeze breath alone, but when she saw the fourth man pull out what appeared to be a grey plant and fling it onto Kara’s face she frowned… Kara was down within an instant.

The man slowly made his way over to Supergirl’s unconscious body and moved her body with his foot to make sure that she wasn’t pretending.

When Kara did not move, he began laughing hysterically for a moment before he started to run off, only to be decked in the face by a super-suited Alex Danvers and knocked unconscious before she rushed to Kara’s side.

Lena immediately stood up from her seat and was just about to shut off her screen when she saw Alex set fire to the plant, causing it to crawl off of Kara’s face.

She let out a relieved sigh as she watched Kara stand up and hug Alex just as the broadcast was cut off… Thank god for Alex Danvers, they all would be lost without her.

**XXX**

Fifty minutes later, Lena walked up the stairs to the loft, humming contentedly as she played with her keys. She was ready to lay down on the couch, cuddled up into Kara, and relish in the fact that Kara was okay, and that tomorrow they were going to be wives; but just as she reached their door, she saw something that confused her… There were about twelve duct-taped boxes in front of the door.

Kara must’ve decided to put some of their stuff in storage.

She continued humming as she stuck her key into the lock, but when it didn’t work, she frowned. This was odd. She knocked on the door, waiting for Kara to answer, but after five minutes of knocking, she assumed she was out being Supergirl once more

After a long day, Lena was a bit aggravated that her key stopped working at such an inopportune time, but nothing could bring her down from her high from knowing that she was about to marry the woman of her dreams. She was the happiest she could be, but when the door swung open, everything changed.

Lena looked up at Kara, expecting to see a welcoming expression like always, but instead, she saw a teary-eyed Kara standing in front of her with an angry expression on her face, and worry immediately took over her happiness.

“Kara? Baby, what happ-,”

“You need to take your things and leave, Lena.”

Lena’s heart shattered. “W-what? No, Kara… If the eloping idea doesn’t sound good anymore, we don’t have to do it. I can wait, I understand. I-,”

“No, the elopement idea doesn’t sound good anymore. Marrying you doesn’t sound good anymore.” Kara spit back harshly.

It felt as if someone had stabbed her in the heart, and poured acid down her throat… Of course, Kara wouldn’t want to marry her. She'd finally realized that she was a worthless Luthor and that she could do so much better than her. But Lena couldn't let her go without trying. She couldn't live happily without her... she would just... exist.

“Baby, whatever happened, whatever made you change your mind about me, I swear I’ll do whatever it takes to fix it. I don’t know what I did, or what I said, but-“

“More like _who_ you did.” Kara asserted coolly. “You had your fill of the overly dorky reporter, so you just moved on to an overly geeky assistant, huh? What’s next? Overly insecure delivery driver? You’re disgusting, Lena. I saw you two. I saw _everything._ I thought we were in love, I gave you everything I had, and you just threw me away like last week’s spaghetti! I hate you, and I never want to see your face again.”

Kara’s words felt like a hot soldering knife jabbing into her chest. The accusation and the accusatory tone made Lena feel like dying. Just the mere thought of cheating on Kara made her sick. She’d never do that; she _hadn’t_ done that. “Kara, please. I have no idea what you’re talking about. I swear to god, whatever it is you think I’ve done I _didn’t_ do.”

She reached for Kara’s arm, but Kara yanked it back as if she’d just been stabbed. “Don’t touch me!” She demanded. “You need to leave, and I swear to god Lena, if you try to contact me again I’m going to file harassment charges. I’m _done_. I deserve more than this.”

Tears were spewing from Lena’s eyes; she couldn’t believe what was happening… but what made it worse was that she actually _could_ believe it... She was a Luthor, and Luthors don’t get the girl… They don’t get happiness.

They got just enough to make them happy, so that it could be ripped away from them and break their hearts.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to fight tooth and nail to make Kara see that she’d never cheat. That didn’t mean that she wasn’t going to try to win her back, but as the door slammed shut in her face, all she could do at that moment was fall to the ground and cry.

Cry for her engagement. Cry for Kara. Cry for the future she’d pictured with Kara.

She was sobbing on the floor, head rested on Kara’s door when her phone went off, she was going to ignore it, but the familiar ringtone was enough to warrant her to answer.

“Alex,” She sobbed. “R-right now isn’t such a good time. But whatever she told you I need you to know that I would never _ever_ cheat on your sis-,”

“I know.” Alex interrupted. “I know you wouldn’t, but right now I need you to come to my Lab… There’s a lot to explain, but right now I can’t. We need absolute privacy.”

Lena sniffed, hope rising in her heart… If Alex believed her, that meant that there was a chance that she could persuade Kara to forgive Lena for whatever it was that she’d done, or to see that she’d never done it in the first place. “I’ll be there as soon as possible.” She avowed before ending the call and racing down to her car… There was no time to wait for her driver.

**XXX**

As soon as Lena reached the DEO base, she shut off her car and rushed to Alex’s lab.

As soon as her eyes focused on Alex, all the questions and worries that she’d thought up during her drive over, came spewing from her mouth involuntarily. “Alex, why is she saying that I cheated? Who does she think I cheated with? _Why_ does she think I cheated? Have I been at the office too much? Is it Sam? I know she wasn’t very happy when she found out about our past, but I swear we never even stayed over at each other’s places when we _were_ involved. It was one kiss and three dates, before we decided that we were better as friends, plus she’s with you now anyway. Sam would never cheat on you. Who does sh-,”

Alex put her finger on Lena’s mouth, effectively shutting her up. “Lena. Breathe.” She ordered.

Lena inhaled deeply, then released her breath before nodding.  Alex seemed to be pleased and slowly removed her finger. “Gray Mercy.” Was all that she said, as if that was supposed to explain it all, which it did not… not in the least.

“What?” Lena asked, her heart aching, her mind swarming confusedly, and her heart longing to run back to Kara’s arms.

“When Kara was fighting with Cadmus, they threw Gray Mercy at Kara, I got it to release her, but it still had time to manipulate Kara’s conscious mind. Black Mercy, its cousin plant, makes your heart’s desire come to life in your unconsciousness and slowly kills you unless you wake up from the dream. Gray Mercy makes your biggest insecurities come to life in your dreams, but since I burnt it off of Kara before it could do real damage, it didn’t get to keep her in the dream-like state, which means she thinks that the one or two dreams that she had while she was under its spell are real… Her biggest insecurity must be that she thinks you’re going to find someone better than her, which explains why the first thing she said to me when she woke up was ‘I can’t believe she’d do this to me’... she thinks you either left her for someone else, or that you cheated on her.”

“She said she ‘saw us two’, so I think that the Gray Mercy must have made dream me cheat in her with someone... and that someone seems to be my assistant if what Kara said to me earlier means anything. I’ve got to fix this, Alex. I can’t lose her.” Lena’s heart ached for Kara, and she longed to go to Kara and explain that it was all Gray Mercy’s doing, but unfortunately, from what Alex was telling her, it was most likely not going to be that easy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

She had let Alex go to Kara, to comfort her, and to get more information about w _hat_ was going on.

But when Alex sent the text explaining everything, Lena’s blood ran cold…

**Alex:** _Dream was bad… really bad. Thinks she walked in on you and Jess… fucking… Not good. She’s devastated… Needs space. Will try my best to help when I can. Talks soon. -Alex._

What was she supposed to do now? How could she ever win Kara’s love back? Cheating was unforgivable, and the fact that Kara’s worst insecurity was not being enough for Lena was horrifying to her… Had she been too busy for Kara recently? Had she not been clear about how much she loved Kara?

And how the hell was Lena supposed to live, when she knew that Kara hated her? When Kara didn’t want anything to do with her… When Kara wasn’t even a part of her life…

This wasn’t fair… To either of them. Kara was heartbroken for no reason, and Lena was being punished for something she didn’t do.

She didn’t know what was worse, but she did know that there had to be _something_ for her to do, that would be able to convince Kara that she hadn’t cheated… She just didn’t know what.

**XXX**

A week… One long, miserable, drunken Kara-less week.

That was how long it was before Lena ran into Kara and her friends at the bar.

They all knew the truth, but they chose to pick Kara’s side until they figured out how to make Kara realize that the Gray Mercy was the reason all of this was happening.

They all gave Lena sorrowful looks, Winn the most remorseful of them all. They all chose to send a slight wave, but continue on with their night, all except Sam and Alex.

Sam went and sat with her, and Alex tried to play the mediator, but Kara wasn’t having it; which was why Lena was currently chasing Kara down the alley way, trying to just get Kara to look at her so she could speak.

“Kara! Wait! Please!” She called out after her; because chasing a Kryptonian that had superspeed was fruitless.

Kara stopped at the end of the alleyway, refusing to turn around. “What?!” She demanded.

“I-… I miss you.” Lena declared lamely. “I miss you, I love you, and I need to know why you’d think I’d cheat!”

“Because!” Kara raised her voice. “I CAUGHT you!”

Lena shook her head, desperate to break through to Kara…. She was done being forced to live a life without Kara. “B-but that’s the thing, Kara. Think. Think about that. You _didn’t_ catch me cheating because I didn’t cheat.”

Kara turned around slowly, a deadly glare printed on her face. “I never thought you’d stoop so low as to cheat… but this is even worse, trying to manipulate me, to make me think _I’m_ the wrong one? _Vitim Blaming_?! That’s some Mon-El level toxicity, Lena. Leave me the hell alone!”

Lena’s heart tore in half. Kara really, truly, hated her. “What do I have to do?” Lena choked out, resigning to having to take responsibility for actions she didn’t commit. “What do I have to do to prove to you that I’d never hurt you. That I want you and only you for the rest of my life? What do I have to do to earn back your trust, to make you love me again?”

Kara searched Lena’s face for sincerity, she seemed to be pleased with what she found and shook her head. “If you want me to be happy, you’d leave me alone. Live your life with your knew girl toy, and I’ll try to live my life. You and I are over, Lena. There’s nothing you can do to change that. IF you really loved me, you wouldn’t have even thought of cheating. If you didn’t want to hurt me, you would have stayed loyal. You didn’t love me, because you don’t destroy the people that you love, and Lena… you _destroyed_ me.”

Lena let out a strangled sob, hating how heartbroken, and hurt Kara looked as she lifted into the air… What could she do? She just wanted her fiancée back, but it seemed that no matter what she did, it failed.

Giving Kara space failed. Confronting Kara failed. _What else_ could she do?

She was just about to walk home, when a firm hand gripped her shoulder. She turned around to face the owner and fell into open and waiting arms. “She hates me, Alex. She hates me.” Lena cried out, her heart thoroughly beaten.

Alex stroked her back comfortingly and spoke softly. “Shh, Lena. I got you, I got you.”

Sam was standing right next to her, gently caressing Lena’s arm. “We’ve got a plan, Lena… It might not work, but it will at least show Kara that you’re willing to respect her wishes, but also fight for her.”

Lena looked at her, hope flooding her system. “Whatever it is, I’m in. Anything.”

Sam smiled and nodded proudly. “Then let’s get to work.”

**XXX**

“Are you sure this isn’t going to make things worse?” Lena asked worriedly. “She already hates me, pushing her might just be poking the bear.”

Alex sighed. “She loves chocolates, so why would receiving them, regardless of who their from, be an issue? Food is life to Kara.”

Lena huffed, and nodded her head as she clicked the ‘order’ button on the 1800Flowers website. “So, they’ll just deliver them with my note? Just like that?”

Alex smiled. “Yep. I should warn you though, this might not get a reaction out of Kara… But as long as you keep sending them, she should eventually come to you. In the meantime, I’m going to try my hardest to fix this. Hopefully it will reverse on its own, but she doesn’t even remember that asshole throwing the Gray Mercy on her, so it’s highly unlikely to happen on its own.”

Lena nodded, swallowing back the fear in her heart. “I hope whenever it happens, it’s soon… I miss her Alex.”

Alex nodded. “I know you do. But whatever happens, I’m sure she’ll take you back as a friend… someday.”

Lena rose her brow. “If Sam cheated on you, would you ever want to be her friend again?”

Alex’s hopeful smile diminished. “I… No.”

Lena chuckled. “Exactly. Cheating is unforgiveable, and this is no exception.”

Alex shook her head. “But you _didn’t_ cheat on her.”

“I know, Alex… but to her, my affair with Jess is as real as they come. I understand why she’s hurt, but it’s killing me. Every time I look around my apartment, all I see are places where we kissed, or cuddled or… _y’know_ …”

Alex made a face of utter disgust. “Agh! Lena, stop…ew! That’s… That’s my baby _sister_!”

“Sorry.” Lena laughed sadly. “But I can’t help it. I need her, Alex.”

Alex nodded. “We will get her, Lena. We will.”

**XXX**

Kara was sitting at home, watching re-runs of Dexter, when there was a knock at her door. She furrowed her brow, confused about who it could be… Sam and Alex were out on a date night, Winn was at a comic con, and Clark always used the balcony, so the only other person that it could be was James… and they weren’t that close anymore.

She x-rayed the door to see a Delivery Man standing there, and immediately zoomed to the door.

“Kara Danvers?” He asked professionally.

Kara nodded, confusion the only thing she felt.

“This is for you.” The man stated as he offered her a pink box with a white bow and a with a red note on the top.

Kara thanked the man, handed him a tip, and then shut the door behind her as she stared at the box.

Had James heard about her break-up and come crawling back?

She opened the package first, deciding to read the note after, and was thrilled to see a box of Godiva chocolates.

She sighed happily as she shoved one into her mouth, humming when she tasted a cherry inside. As she chewed happily, she took the note off of the lid of the box and read it.

 _Want to know how much I love you?_  
I know that you opened the box before you read the note.  
I know that you ate a chocolate before too.  
And I know that you have that confused little furrow in your brow as you try to figure out who this is from  
I love you so much that I know exactly what you did… and I miss you, Kara..  
I’ll never stop fighting for you.

_All my love,_

_Lena_

Kara’s heart ached… How could Lena claim to love her when she went out and cheated?

Tears were spewing down her face, she missed Lena, she loved Lena, she would’ve died for Lena… but she could never forgive her. Could never give her another chance… not after this.

She was hurting, she was _aching_ and she needed Lena to know exactly how she felt… So she took out her phone, and searched for the song that perfectly described exactly how she felt.

When she found it, she copied the link, and sent it to Lena… Hoping she’d take the hint.

**XXX**

Lena was sitting anxiously by her phone. She was hoping that Kara would call her, text her, _something_ to show her how she felt.

It’d been five hours since she placed the order, and she was impatiently waiting for any sign of life from Kara.

She was terrified that this had only made things worse between them, should she have sent chocolate covered strawberries instead?

Just as her worries were starting to run rampant in her mind, her phone rang out, alerting her to a text message. She instantly grabbed it, and opened the message… Shocked when she saw a Spotify link instead of Kara expressing her wishes to be left alone.

Hope flooded her heart as she clicked the URL, and listened to the song.

 

_Easy come, easy go_   
_That's just how you live_   
_Oh take, take, take it all but you never give_   
_Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss_   
_Had your eyes wide open_

_Why were they open_   
_Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash_   
_You tossed it in the trash, you did_   
_To give me all your love is all I ever ask_   
_'Cause what you don't understand is_

_I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_Throw my head on a blade for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_Oh whoa oh_   
_I would go through all this pain_   
_Take a bullet straight through my brain_   
_Yes I would die for you baby_   
_But you won't do the same_   
_No no no no_

_Black, black, black and blue_  
 _Beat me {til I'm numb_  
 _Tell the devil I said hey when you get back to where you're from_  
 _Mad woman,_ bad _woman that's just what you are_  
 _Yeah you'll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car_  
 _Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash_  
 _You tossed it in the trash, you did_  
 _To give me all your love is all I ever ask_

_'Cause what you don't understand is_   
_I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_Throw my head on a blade for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_Oh whoa oh_   
_I would go through all this pain_   
_Take a bullet straight through my brain_   
_Yes I would die for you baby_   
_But you won't do the same_

_If my body was on fire_   
_Ooh you'd watch me burn down in flames_   
_You said you love me, you're a liar_   
_'Cause you never ever, ever did_   
_But darling I'd still catch a grenade for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_Throw my head on a blade for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah yeah)_   
_Oh whoa oh_   
_I would go through all this pain_   
_Take a bullet straight through my brain_   
_Yes I would die for you, baby_   
_But you won't do the same  
No no no no no_

 

Tears were pooling down Lena’s face, sobs were wracking her body. Every single word of that song was like a cat-of-nine to the heart.  Her heartache was overwhelming her, and all that she could think to send in reply was one simple text.

**Lena:** _I would do the same, Kara. I swear on my life I would._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extremely short chapter and I apologize for that, but I still hope that it is a decent read. :)

“So, basically what you’re saying is that we have the footage. We have the proof, but it’s useless.” Lena growled. “I want my fiancée back, Alex!”

Alex frowned sympathetically and nodded her head. “I know, Lena… I know. But if we show her the footage or try to tell her the truth without having a reversal serum, she’s just going to get sick. It’d be like forcing the truth on an amnesiac patient… The only thing it will accomplish would be harming her more than the Gray Mercy has already.”

Lena let out a shaky breath, her world had been ripped away, and even though Kara was still alive, it felt like she’d lost her forever… What the hell was she supposed to do without Kara?

 

**XXX**

Alex swore that she was going to try everything she could to find a way to revers the Gray Mercy’s affect on Kara’s brain, so all Lena had to do was wait… But that was the hardest thing in the world for her to do when it came to Kara.

Kara was her world. Kara was her smile. Kara was her everything, and she currently had nothing without her.

Sure, she had CatCo. Sure, she had L-Corp; but neither of those were things could make her laugh when all she wanted to do was cry. Neither of them could hold her tight and never let her go. They couldn’t cuddle her, kiss her, or love her.

But Kara could… if she didn’t currently believe that Lena broke her trust and betrayed their love by sleeping with another.

She sat down with a huff, at her computer and wrote a note… A note that accepted responsibility for the dream-Lena’s actions… A note that she hated writing, but a note she hoped would win Kara’s love back.

She crossed her fingers in hope that Kara would actually read it instead of throwing it away, because she was losing hope that Alex would ever find a cure.

**XXX**

Kara was walking through the door when she saw the mail lady placing a few envelopes into her box. She sighed, figuring that it was her usual bills, but thanked the woman anyway.

She used her key to unlock her box, and frowned when she saw a letter from someone she hated to even think of… someone that broke her heart.

Sadness and heartache scoured through her as she focused on the name. She had to fight in order to contain her tears. She rushed up the stairs, and through her door before she opened the letter and began to read.

_My dearest Kara,_

_It has been almost a month since I’ve been able to hold you, and it kills me every second of every day to know that it is my fault. I hurt you. I hurt you in a way that I can’t even begin to apologize for._

_I know that what I did was almost unforgivable. I know that I hurt you, and I hate myself for it every second of every day. I messed up, horribly, and there is nothing I can do to express how utterly sorry I am, Kara. I love you; I miss you, I need you… So, tell me whatever it is you need me to do to earn back your love, and I’ll do it in an instant, because I can’t live a life that you aren’t in._

_Please, Kara. Please give me a chance to earn your forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve it. I know I don’t deserve you, but I can’t live my life without fighting for you, so please, Kara… Tell me what it will take to get you to at least smile at me again._

_Eternally yours,_

_LKL_

Kara had tears cascading down her face as she ripped up the paper in her hands.

She couldn’t do this. Not now at least.

**XXX**

Every day for two weeks, Lena checked her mail box religiously, only to receive bills and advertorials… and every day she was left disappointed.

Finally, after sixteen days of being let down, she received something… something that Lena had been desperately waiting for.

There was a little pink envelope, addressed to her, and sent by KZD… Kara Zor-El Danvers.

Her heart flipped in excitement as she tore open the envelope and read what was inside.

 

                _Miss Luthor,_

                            Although it is refreshing to see that you are finally willing to own up to your misdoings, I will not take you back. Not as a lover, or girlfriend...I could never trust you enough with my heart for that again. I will, however, _try to forgive you. But there are some things that I would need to happen in order for me to be able to do so._

_The first thing that I would need, is for you to end whatever it is you have going on with your secretary. I don’t think I’m a big enough person to look past your unfaithfulness if you’re still sleeping with the person you cheated on me with._

_Secondly, I’d really like to never have_ hear _her name._

 _Lastly, I think we’d need to go to group_ counseling _, just you and I, so we can try to work out the issues that we have._

_However, even though I am willing to do these things, I am not ready to do them yet. I am still incredibly heartbroken, and angry. I will try to be strong, but as of right now, I am not capable of looking at you in the face without wanting to cry._

_I appreciate that you are trying to make up for what you’ve done, but I can’t just flip a switch and forgive you, nor could I ever truly be with you romantically again._

_I promise you that I am trying, but it will be one large process…_

_Sincerely,_

_KZD_

Lena’s heart cracked in her chest… she thought for sure that this would work. That Kara couldn’t possible still hate her for cheating after Lena took responsibility for “her” actions, but it seemed as though she miscalculated just how devastated Kara was.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” She asked herself as tears fell from her eyes.

This was the most devastating torture she could have imagined, which is why she knew it had been planned, and she knew who to blame for it all…

 _Lillian_.


	4. Chapter 4

Four days had gone and passed before Lena finally found Lillian’s location. She’d used her one resource in the police department… Maggie Sawyer, because… quite frankly she owed Lena one after locking her up for no reason all those years before, and she knew Alex would be against Lena tracking down her ‘mother.’

Maggie had given her a list of all of Cadmus’ known hideouts. Which was precisely what Lena had needed.

She used the list to hack into the security cameras around each hideout and waited. She waited by the screen of her computers, watching it like a hawk for any sign of Lillian, and when she finally caught sight of her, a feeling of rage she hadn’t known she was capable of feeling overwhelmed her… She was going to get revenge on Lillian for hurting Kara.

 For hurting her.

For hurting their relationship.

And she was going to take her down as soon as she did.

 

**XXX**

She delivered it by drone, not stupid enough to try to walk into a building that her mother had complete control over.

It was a simple message. Date, Time, and place. A message that she hoped would summon her mother.

_8-13-18. 12:30 pm. Lab D_

It did the job as she watched Lillian read the note and roll her eyes before she nodded into the drone’s camera.

And that was where she currently was. Waiting in the basement lab at L-Corp… The same one that she’d held Sam in while she was going through her Reign phase.

She was unnerved, to say the least, but she hoped that she had thought her plan through thoroughly enough to catch her mother by surprise.

She was running the plan over in her mind again when a familiar cold voice startled her.

“Well, you found me… What the hell do you want, Lena? Have you finally come to terms with the fact that Supergirl could never trust you the way she claimed to? I mean, honestly Lena… She had no problem believing that you cheated on her.”

Lena ground her teeth but kept counting her mother’s foot steps.

**6**

**7**

**8**

“It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with her insecurities. I have been quite busy the past few months; perhaps she just thought I wasn’t happy… but that will change, Mother. As soon as you tell me how to reverse the Gray Mercy.

Lillian scoffed. “And why on _Earth_ would I do that? Have you seen the news? Supergirl has gone off the rails. She barely goes out, and when she does, she’s very much off her game. Think that has anything to do with you, sweetie?”

**9**

**10**

Lena swirled around in her chair and glared at her adoptive mother. “No, mother. It has everything to do with _you_. You’re the one that did this to her. You’re the one that has hurt us _both_ insurmountably. You’re the one that’s going to fix this. Or so help me…”

Lillian smirked, and took the last three remaining steps, placing her in the exact spot Lena needed her in. “So help you what, Lena? You’re going to turn me over to the authorities again?”

**11**

**12**

Lena smirked and shook her head, pulling out a remote from her pocket and making sure her mother saw that she pushed the red button in the center. “No, mother… Or so help me I’ll go Luthor on your ass.” She smirked as Lillian’s face drained of color when the cage in which Lena held Reign, came to life, entrapping Lillian.

“You can’t do this!” Lillian attested. “I am your _MOTHER!”_

Lena pursed her lips and slowly shook her head no. “You’ve made it perfectly clear my entire life that I am not your daughter. That I am not loved. That I am not _wanted_ , so no, Lillian… you _aren’t_ my mother. My mother is dead, and you’re going to wish you were too if you don’t tell me how to reveres the Gray Mercy’s effects on Kara.”

Lena fought back a laugh as Lillian fought fruitlessly to escape the clutches of the cage. “That cage held a Kryptonian Worldkiller... do you honestly believe a sixty-year-old human is going to be able to escape its clutches?”

Lillian snarled at her adoptive daughter. “Let. Me. Out.”

Lena shook her head. “Not until you tell me how to get my fiancée back.”

“Maybe talk to her about her insecurities instead of selfishly expecting her to only focus on the ones of your own. You wouldn’t be in this mess if she felt she could talk to you.” Lillian grinned as she saw a mixture of guilt, heartache, and regret cover Lena’s face. “I’m right, aren’t I? You only ever talked about _your_ worries, but never hers. It’s always been this way with you, Lena. Always about your feelings, always about you… Never about those around you. You may have lost a lot, darling… but it still pales in comparison to what She has gone through. Shouldn’t you have thought about her feelings too? You claim to love her, but you didn’t even think to ask about her feelings? Her worries? Her doubts? Honestly, Lena, I knew you were pathetic, but I never thought you-,”

“SHUT UP!” Lena yelled as she slammed the button that muted the chamber. Her heart ached at the realization that Lillian was _right_. She hadn’t thought to ask Kara about her feelings. She had always just assumed that Kara _knew_ that Lena was hers, and only hers. She thought Kara was confident, and realized that Lena was irrevocably attracted to, and irreversibly in love with Kara and Kara only.

She hadn’t made sure of it though... She’d always come to Kara saying that she was scared she was losing her. Scared that Kara wasn’t happy, scared that Kara was going to leave her for another some day…. Even after all the times Kara had proven to be the most loyal person on the planet.

Kara most likely felt that coming to Lena about her own insecurities would push Lena over the edge and think their relationship was doomed.

She let out a sob, and then put up the one-way glass so Lillian couldn’t see her cry… She was right. She was a terrible fiancée, and Kara could do so much better than her.

**XXX**

Lena was sitting in her office, crying over everything that had happened that day; when she got the text she’d been waiting for, for over a month.

**Kara:** _Up for meeting me at Noonan’s tomorrow tonight? 6?_

Lena’s heart ached as she read the message.

**Lena:** _I don’t deserve to have you in my life Kara._

She held her breath as she waited for a response.

**Kara:** _You’re the one that wouldn’t leave me alone… Do you want to try to be friends or not?_

Lena swallowed back the lump in her throat as she re-read the message, and then replied.

**Lena:** _Yes, sorry… I’ll be there._

**Kara:** *Thumbs Up Emoji*

She let out a shaky breath as she realized that now she was going to have to do something about Jess until this situation blew over… and it couldn’t be anything cruel; after all, Jess was a silent, and incredibly innocent, bystander.

She wracked her mind for anything that could get Jess out of the city for a while, and then came up with the perfect solution. She reached for her com and pushed the call button. “Jess, would you please come here for a moment.”

“Certainly Miss Luthor.” Came the instant reply seconds before Lena’s office door opened. “You needed to see me, Miss Luthor?”

Lena smiled and nodded. “Jess, you’ve done exceptional work for the past four years… I think it’s about high time I award you for that.”

She opened her purse and pulled out a credit card. “This is the company’s credit card. I want you to use it to take you and one other person back tracking across Europe. Asia. Africa. Australia. Whatever you want; and I want you to take at least two months doing it… at least. Do you understand? Have fun, relax, enjoy your life and make new friends take as long as you’d like.”

Jess’ eyes were wide open. “Is… is this a test, because I have no idea what to say right now.”

Lena laughed. “Say yes and take the card, Jess.”

And say yes she did…

Now, to never speak Jess’ name to Kara again and everything should be fine. OR at least… as fine as they could be under these circumstance.

 

**XXX**

 

That night, Lena laid in bed contemplating everything about her life. She had failed Kara as a fiancée, she had failed Kara as a partner, she had failed everything…. And now she was paying the ultimate price… She’d lost Kara.

**XXX**

She hated that everything Lillian said was true. She also hated that she was sitting at Noonan’s fidgeting relentlessly at the expectation of seeing the love of her life for the first time since she left Lena.

She heard the door’s bell ring and looked to find a nervous Kara scouring the room.

When their eyes met, Lena’s heart sank… Those ocean-blue orbs she’d fallen in love with all those years ago, weren’t radiating with joy and love like they usually were; instead they were clouded, and her face was morphed into one of sadness.

Kara walked over to her, and offered her a pained smile. “Hi.” She croaked out.

Lena waved, not knowing what to say besides. “I-I bought you a coffee… it’s pumpkin spice, with extra cinnamon.”

Kara offered her a half smile. “My favorite.”

Lena gulped and nodded as she slowly slid it across the table.

“I miss you.” She whispered, her eyes focusing every where but Kara.

“Don’t.” Kara said sternly, shaking her head. “I said I’d try to be your friend, but I made it clear I don’t want you back romantically so just _don’t_.”  


Lena tried her hardest to keep her lip from quivering as she spoke. “I’m sorry.” She said in a broken, shaky voice. “I just don’t know what else to say.”

Kara nodded. “I guess we’re in the same boat.”

Lena offered her a small, sad smile. “Well... how are you? How’s life?”

Kara’s heart burst and she stood up. It hurt too much.

Seeing Lena, hearing her voice… knowing that she’d been unfaithful, the memory of her and Jess on Lena’s desk… it stung her like a thousand bees surrounding her heart. “I can’t do this. I h-have to go. I’ll try again some time soon.” She said as she threw five dollars on the table to repay Lena for the coffee.

Lena tried to grab Kara’s hand, but Kara yanked it away as if Lena were fire. “Wait… Kara, _please_.” She pleaded desperately.

Kara looked her in the eyes and shook her head. “I can’t Lena.” She asserted as tears gushed from her eyes. “It hurts to see you. It hurts to hear your voice. It hurts just to feel your hand rub against mine. You _broke_ me, Lena… and I’m trying very hard to get past that and get our friendship back, but I’m still just… a _shell_. You were what my life was built around. You were my foundation, but you cracked it… you _decimated_ it, really, and now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do but pretend to be okay, because pretending can only get me so far, Lena. I hate being angry at people. I hate holding grudges, and I thought I could fight through this and have coffee with you. I thought  I could get past my anger and be your friend again, but I can’t. I need more time. Because every time I look at you I really just want to die, and that’s not something I can just get past.”

The pain that Kara’s monolog caused Lena was insuperable. IT felt as if a bull had run horn-first into her chest while a starving wolf gnawed at her stomach. “K-Kara, please. I’ll do anything.”

But Kara just turned and left… breaking Lena even further.

Tearfully, Lena shakily collected the two cups of coffee and exited the restaurant. She got into the car and made up her mind… Lillian wasn’t going to get to sit in that cell and play the silent game… She was going to tell Lena how to reverse this, and if she didn’t? Well… She may have failed Kara romantically, but when it came to protecting when, Lena could be just as crazy as Lex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think Lillian's fate is going to be?


	5. Chapter 5

Lena walked into Lab D, with a plate of food intended for Lillian in one hand and a box containing a surprise for her in the other.

“You did this on purpose!” Lena accused as she placed the mystery box on the table. “You knew that I love her more than anything, so you purposefully targeted her with the Gray Mercy to take her from me!”

Lillian smirked. “Oh? Did I now?”

Lena glared. “WHY!?” She asked, her heart in her throat. “Why would you do this to me? I’ve left you alone. I’ve run the company. SO why, Mother? Why do this to me?”

“Oh, darling.” Lillian chuckled. “It was going to happen either way from the looks of it. You weren’t giving her what she needed.”

“You’re right.” Lena started, hating herself all the more for not paying attention to Kara’s needs. “I _did_ always expect Kara to comfort me. I did always think about my feelings and not hers, but that wasn’t because I didn’t care. It was because I thought she _had_ to know how desperately in love with her I am. I failed her, and that’s on me… but right now she thinks that I destroyed her. She thinks that I hurt her in the one way I could _never_ do, and that is because of _you_. So, I have a lot to make up to her for, but right now it’s your turn to fix things. I’m going to give you two options.” She smirked as she opened the mystery box and showed her mother the Gray Mercy plant that resided inside. “You can either tell me how to reverse the effects of the Gray Mercy, or I put you under gray Mercy. The choice is yours.”

Lillian guffawed. “Do you honestly believe that will be able to take me down? I have no insecurities, my dear. I’m _flawless_.”

Lena gritted her teeth. “You failed Lex. You failed Father. You failed me. You aren’t flawless, Lillian… you’re a disgrace.”

Lillian masked her shock well, but Lena was used to that, and she saw right through it. She smirked. “So, mother… What will it be?” She asked coyly as she slid the plate of food into the cage.

Lillian groaned. “The only way I know to reverse it would be to put her back under the Gray Mercy and help her mind overcome it before it takes her completely and kills her.”

“No.” Lena shook her head. “That’s not going to happen so tell me what else to do.” She refused to risk Kara’s life again just to save her own heart from breaking every time she saw they Kryptonian. “FIX THIS!”

Lillian laid down on the bed in the cell and shook her head. “I told you what you need to do; now it’s all up to you.”

With that, Lena lost all hope of ever having Kara’s love again.

 

**XXX**

**Kara:** _I’m ready to try to talk again if you are._

**Lena:** _Always. When and where?_

**Kara:** _Open your door._

Lena immediately ran to her front door and swung it open, delighted to see that Kara was standing there with a carton of Rocky Road ice cream in her hand. “ _Kara_ ,” She breathed out reverently.

Kara sighed. “I know it’s been an entire week, but this is really hard, Lena. I-I’m trying but this is killing me.”

Lena nodded and moved to the side to let Kara in. She was thrilled that Kara was at least trying to be her friend. It would be more than she would genuinely deserve if she had in fact cheated. She was grateful, but she hated seeing Kara in such pain. “You don’t have to torture yourself.” She said sincerely. “If this hurts too much, I can wait… It will be torturous, but I can wait. I’d wait an eternity for you.”

Kara sat down on the couch and huffed out. “I can’t wait, though.” She admitted sadly. “Being around you feels like lava in my chest but being away from you feels like lava in my veins. No matter what I do, it hurts. Seeing you hurts. Not seeing you hurts. Hearing from you, not hearing from you, both hurt. No matter what, when it comes to you, it hurts, and I just… I don’t know what to do anymore because I just want this pain to stop. I’d give anything for it to stop, but it won’t because I still love you. Despite you destroying my heart, I still love you, but I can’t be with you… I don’t trust you, and the thought of kissing you makes me want to die... So, you might be able to wait to be friends again, but I can’t because waiting hurts too. Everything involving you… _hurts_.”

Lena’s heart fell into her stomach. She hated every second that Kara was suffering; if she didn’t figure this out soon, Lillian was going to pay a price she never expected. “I’m so sorry, Kara.”

Kara smiled sadly and shook her head as she looked at the floor. “I just wish you’d never done this. I don’t get it, Lena. I did everything I could to make you feel loved, but you still went and cheated on me…. What am I supposed to think? I know that I’m just a reporter, but she doesn’t have a better job than me, so that wasn’t the reason you did this… Was it… is it because I’m not human? I always felt like that would be an issue in the long run, but I mean… you seemed okay with it. So, is it that? Or was it because I eat so much? Is it because I’m Supergirl and have to rush out on a lot of our dates?”

Lena couldn’t fight back her tears. She hated this, hated that Kara thought so little of herself. Hated that Kara had been so worried that Lena would eventually tire of her. Hated that Kara was in so much pain at the moment, and she hated knowing that the only way to save her was to risk her life once more.

Everything about this entire situation was torture.

“No, Kara.”

Kara swallowed audibly, tears glistening her eyes. “Is it because I’m not good at rich people etiquette? Is it because I’m always hungry?”

The more Kara spoke, the more pain Lena was in. “Kara, stop… Please just stop.” She cried out. “I love everything about you, and I had no idea you thought so low of yourself. I love that you’re not completely human. I love that you are a hero and go out of your way to help others as Supergirl. I love that you aren’t good at etiquette because you’re adorable just the way you are. I love that you’re a reporter, because it makes you happy, and you’re fantastic at journalism. I love that you’re always hungry. I love everything about you. I wish that I could put you inside my mind so that you could see exactly how I see you, but I can’t do that, so please just know that you are, and always have been perfect to me. I love you, Kara… with every fiber of my being, and nothing about you is imperfect to me.”

Kara’s tears began to fall freely. “Then why cheat, Lena? Why cheat on me if you think that I’m so perfect for you? Why cheat on someone you supposedly love?”

Lena didn’t know how to answer that question because she _didn’t_ cheat, so she tried her hardest to avoid answering. “You are every hope and every dream I’ve ever had, times infinity. You are the most perfect being on this planet, and no matter what I do, or have done, that will never change. You’re an angel that Rao blessed the earth with. You have never made me unhappy; you have never let me down. You have always been there for me when I needed you… Kara, you’re the only one that can make me laugh or smile when I’m having one of my bad days. You bring me a type of joy that no one else in the multiverse could ever bring to me. You are amazing, and I love you, more than anything, and I can’t believe I never let you know that. I’m going to fix that, though… I promise.”

Kara was just about to speak when a siren went off in the distance, and she smiled apologetically. “I-… I have to get that.” She said as she awkwardly gestured to the balcony.

Lena nodded her head once and smiled softly. “Be safe, Supergirl.”

Kara smiled tensely. “I’ll try.”

**XXX**

An hour and forty five minutes later, Lena burst through the D.E.O.’s Med bay doors. “Where is she?!” She called frantically as she looked around.

She saw Alex putting an oxygen mask on a conscious Kara, and relief flooded her system. “Kara!”

Kara waved weakly at her and eyed her sister curiously. “I guess I forgot to revoke her visitor’s pass like requested,” Alex said apologetically.

Lena frowned, remembering that she was no longer Kara’s fiancée at this point... but it still hurt to know that Kara wanted her access to the D.E.O. terminated… but at that moment all that mattered to her was that Kara was okay, and that the aliens didn’t hurt Kara too severely. “Kara, darling, are you okay?”

Kara nodded. “Just a little bruised up… I didn’t see that second Lunarian until it was too late and he got a few good swings in. I still got him though.” She said with a smile.

Lena let out a relieved huff and chuckled. “You scared me there for a second.”

Kara shrugged. “I’m fine. I promise.”

Lena smiled, and nodded. “Good, I’m really glad. I’d lose my mind if I lost you.” She admitted, her heart beating normally for the first time since she saw the televised fight. “Alex? Could I speak with you outside for a second please?”

Alex furrowed her brow. “Um… yeah… Just give me a sec to finish up with her. I’ll meet you out there.”

**XXX**

When Alex came out, she was visibly confused. “What’s up?” She asked.

“I know how to reverse the Gray Mercy.” Lena blurted out, her heart hammering in her chest… She needed Alex to be on board with this, or it wouldn’t happen… And if it didn’t happen, Kara would never be with her again.

“Really? How?” Alex asked as she crossed her arms and tilted her head, preparing to listen.

Lena let out a slow, shaky breath before she explained. “We have to put her back under the Gray Mercy again… but then I have to wake her up.”  


Alex corrugated her brows. “Excuse me… What did you just say?”

Lena swallowed. “We have to put her back under the Gray Mercy, and then send me in to help her escape it on her own.”

By the look on Alex’s face, Lena could tell this wasn’t going to be an easy fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Alex will get on board? Let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

Alex cackled hysterically before setting her face into a stone cold expression. “No.” She said sternly. “Last time we did that with Black Mercy I barely got her out in time. We’re not risking that again. Not when she’s perfectly capable of living out the rest of her life.”

Lena’s heart sank. “Alex, _please_! She’s living, but she isn’t _happy,_ and I can fix that. I can go in there, make her realize that it was just the Gray Mercy, and then get her to escape the Gray Mercy permanently.”

Alex shook her head. “Insecurities are a lot harder to destroy than your dream life, Lena. So, no… I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that. She’ll be better in a couple of months. Until then, just give her time to get over you or forgive you. Or, try to find another way to reverse the Gray Mercy, but I’m not going to let you do this to her.”

Lena was fighting back tears; she needed Alex to get on board with this or else she was going to lose Kara forever. “I can do it, Alex. Just give me an hour, and if she doesn’t wake up, you can burn it off of her again.”

Alex looked disgusted. “Do you see what happened to her by just being under there for a few minutes? Just imagine what could happen if we gave her an _hour!_ I love ya, Lena… and I want you to be my sister-in-law, but I’m not going to let you risk her life.”

Lena was beginning to panic as Alex turned to leave, so she resulted to pettiness. “What if this was Sam!?” She asked desperately.

Alex turned around and huffed as she looked at the ground. “I’d be devastated.” She admitted. “I’d be heartbroken, and desperate to get her back, but I wouldn’t put her through the Mercy again.” Alex smiled sadly at Lena and put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “Once she gets over the heartbreak, I’m sure you two could be friends again until you figure something out.”

Lena sighed. “One month.”

Alex furrowed her brow. “What?”

“If Kara isn’t over this in another month, will you give me a chance to put her under the mercy again?”

Alex shook her head. “I don’t care if it lasts years, Lena. You aren’t going to kill my sister.”

“I’d rather cut off my own foot than kill her, Alex! I want to get her _back_ ,” Lena said, voice shaky as tears caressed her cheeks.

Alex huffed. “The answer is no, Lena. That’s final.”

Without another word, Alex yanked her hand away. “I hope we can find another way to reverse it. I really do. Because if that is the only way, then it’s not going to get reversed.”

Lena cried out. “Please, Alex! I miss being able to hold her. I miss her loving me.”

Alex had tears of her own welling up. “I know, Lena. I miss you guys being happy too, but right now, she’s getting better, let’s just hope that means her memory will come back too and then you two can ride off into the sunset together. Plus, who’s to say that helping her conquer the Gray Mercy will help? What if she woke up and still had both memories and it was still too hard for her to be with you because the cheating still felt real to her? It’d be even worse for everyone involved then.”

Lena let out a shaky breath. “I just want to hold her again.” She whimpered.

Alex pulled her into a hug. “I know… I know you do. We will try to figure this out, Lena. We can even get Winn involved if we have to, but we _will_ figure this out.”

Lena sniffed. “How can you be so sure?”

Alex chuckled. “Because it’s Kara we’re talking about, and she’s the epitome of hope.”

Lena found that she couldn’t entirely disagree with that.

 

**XXX**

Lena was moping around her office when she heard footsteps land on her balcony.

She immediately whipped around, her heart hammering in her chest as she saw Supergirl standing there, looking perfect as usual. “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.”

Kara smiled timidly. “Alex said that I’m good as new about thirty minutes ago.”

Lena let out a relieved sigh. “I’m delighted to hear that.” She said honestly. “I was worried.”

“I know,” Kara said with a nod. “I could hear your heart beating like it does when you’re terrified for me.”

Lena smiled sadly. “How’s it beating right now?”

“It’s going a mile a minute,” Kara replied. “I scare you now, don’t I?”

Lena swallowed. “Only because I don’t know what to do or say around you anymore.”

Kara frowned and lowered her eyes. “I… I want to try something, because maybe… Maybe if it goes right, we can… we can um… Try counseling? R-relationship counseling?”

Lena’s heart beat even faster out of hope. “Anything!” She replied instantly. “We can try anything.”

Kara let out a breath. “I’d like to try to kiss you… Just to see if it still feels the same as it did before, or if the spark is gone because of what happened… I know that my feelings are still down there somewhere, because it kills me to be away from you… But I can’t figure out if I need to be your friend or if I still want more, and after seeing how terrified you were for me, I realized that you still do love me, so maybe if there’s still a spark between us, we can work through this.”

Lena’s hope rose… Maybe she didn’t need to reverse the Gray Mercy after all. “R-really?”

Kara nodded. “It’d be a slow process, and there wouldn’t be sex right away… We would just… start over… Completely over. No engagement, no sleeping over. Just dates, and talks, and counseling... lots and lots of counseling. That’s if the spark is still there.”

Lena swallowed, terrified that she was going to kiss Kara wrong and ruin her chance at getting Kara back. “Yes.. I-I’d like to try.”

Kara nodded and let out a shaky breath. “I-I’m just… going to come closer now.” She said as she awkwardly gestured between the two of them.

Lena laughed nervously and nodded as she licked her lips, eager to feel Kara’s against her own; but also, insanely terrified. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly as Kara put her hands on her hips. “Ready?” Kara asked nervously.

“I will always be ready for you, darling,” Lena replied.

Kara smiled genuinely at that, and it melted Lena’s heart.

She watched Kara bite her lower lip as she hesitantly eyed Lena’s mouth. “Kara, if you don-,”

Kara shook her head. “I don’t know what I want… That’s why I’m trying this.”

Lena’s heart raced as Kara slowly leaned in and closed her eyes. She followed suit but didn’t pursue Kara, letting Kara take control like she always did.

Lena closed her eyes, puckered her lips, and stayed in place, waiting for Kara’s lips to touch her own.

When they did, Lena’s heart raced rapidly in delight; fireworks shot off inside her chest. _I’ve missed you so much_. She thought.

The kiss was hesitant, exploratory, and over all too quickly. Lena pulled back and looked hopefully at Kara.

Terrified of what the answer may be, Lena eyed Kara nervously and asked, “So… W-what did you feel?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think Kara felt?


	7. Chapter 7

Kara cleared her throat and brought her hand to her mouth, awkwardly avoiding eye contact. “I… I um… I didn’t feel what I expected to feel. So, I think… I think I’m going to go.”

Lena’s heart cracked. “Wait! No, Kara. Please, what did you feel? Maybe I could… I could do it better?”

Kara shook her head. “You don’t want me to answer that, Lena.”

“Yes, I do! Please, I want to know so that maybe I can do it better.” Lena begged.

“I felt my heart break all over again,” Kara stated. “It felt like millions of razer blades slicing up my heart because all I could think was how I’m not the last person that touched you. I wasn’t the last person to hold you close and kiss your lips. I felt anger, anger because you wanted someone else. Anger because you went out on me. I felt jealousy… I felt inadequate because I wasn’t enough for you. I felt betrayed. That’s what I felt…. That’s what I’ve been feeling every time I look at you, but I had hoped that the kiss would change things if I felt something… I did feel something, but all it was, was a more extreme version of the pain I’ve already been feeling.” She was crying as she reached the door, and all Lena could do was cry with her.

“Kara, please.” She pleaded. “I’ll do anything.”

Kara smiled sadly at the floor. “I don’t think there’s anything either of us can do at this point, Lee. I’ll just have to wait the pain out, and hope that someday I can move on.”

Lena wanted to scream… How was any of this fair? They were both suffering immensely, and it was All. Because. Of Lillian. “I’m going to fix this, Kara. I swear on my life.”

“I just need time to heal, Lena. We’ll get back to being  friends, I’m sure of it, but that’s really all I can offer you now.”

Lena nodded, her stomach churning with agony. “I understand.”

“Swing by Thursday for game night?” Kara asked gently. “I’ll make sure everyone is nice to you.”

Lena smiled. “Alex has been kind.”

“Because you’re her girlfriend’s best friend.” Kara smiled. “It kind of took me by surprise too, but I think me not hating you, and Sam’s not-so-gentle ‘I’m Team Lena’ banner made it obvious.

Lena laughed, “She should be team, Kara.”

Kara shrugged. “She isn’t though. Probably was sonly friends with me because of you and Alex” She said, a slight hint of sadness behind the statement. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Thursday at seven, like always?”

Kara nodded with a tense smile and left… Leaving Lena alone to cry tears of utter anguish.

 

**XXX**

Game night was a bit awkward at first. Everyone knew that Lena was innocent except Kara, but they couldn’t let her know that… So interacting with her on a friendly note was hard, but as soon as Kara gave them a speech about how she and Lena were trying to be friends, so they should too, everything fell into place.

Except… Kara wouldn’t even look her in the eye; which was becoming painful.

“Don’t worry,” Winn said conspiratorially. “We’ll figure something out.”

Lena frowned. She wasn’t quite sure that that was true anymore.

 

 

**XXX**

 

After everyone but Sam and Alex left, Kara and Lena were in the living room picking up cups, while Sam and Alex were making out in the kitchen. Kara was humming a soft melody to herself, and Lena finally couldn’t take it.

“I know I hurt you, but why did you invite me here if you were just going to torture me all night?” Lena asked, her heart breaking a bit more with each passing second of silence between she and Kara.

Kara frowned. “Torture you?”

And oh… _oh_ , the pain in Kara’s voice told Lena everything she needed to know… The night wasn’t meant to be a punishment; Kara hadn’t been intentionally hurting Lena.

“I-… Sorry, I thought that you were ignoring me.” Lena responded, guilt consuming her. ALl she was doing was making things harder for Kara.

Kara dropped the bag of trash she was holding and sat on the couch with a sigh. “Seeing you next to my friends tonight was harder than I thought it would be.” She admitted. “IT keeps reminding me of what we used to have.”

Lena’s heart was burning with guilt… Kara shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling that way. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about that.”

Kara sighed, “This is going to be harder to forgive you for and move past than I thought, Lena. I’m so used to being expected to forgive people for anything and everything that I thought I would be able to do it for this too, but I was wrong… This hurts way worse than I’ve ever imagined.”

Lena shook her head. “You aren’t obligated to forgive anyone for anything. Whoever made you feel like that is a jackass.”

Kara chuckled. “That would be Mon-El, so yeah… That’s accurate.”

They shared an earnest smile, and Lena felt hope rise inside her as a realization hit her… There was always more to a situation than meets the eye… Kara wasn’t purposely hurting her, but that meant that Lillian could be (and most likely was) withholding information that would make reversing the Gray Mercy safer.

She was just about to excuse herself for the night when there was a crash in the kitchen. Kara and Lena turned their head to see an embarrassed Alex with flushed cheeks holding onto a laughing Sam who Alex seemed to have pinned against the counter. “I think it’s time for us to go,” Alex said.

Kara rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You just broke six plates… So yeah I think so.” She laughed.

 

**XXX**

An hour later, Lena walked through the doors of Lab D, and faced her adoptive mother once more. “I don’t believe you.” She challenged. “I think you know that there’s more to the Gray Mercy than what you’ve told me, and I’m not leaving here until you tell me what that is.”

Lillian groaned in annoyance. “I knew you wouldn’t do it.” She said. “I knew you weren’t in love with her enough to go through with it.”

That was the last straw. Lena opened the door to the cage and did something she’d wanted to do for a long, _long_ time. She punched Lillian straight in the nose.

“Now, you’re going to tell me everything that there is to know about the gray mercy, or I’m going to do that over and over again.” Lena glared.

 

**XXX**

Luckily for Lena, she only had to punch Lillian once more to get the answers she needed, and with that, she dialed Alex’s number, hope finally not misplaced by filling her heart.

The phone rang three times before a gruff voice answered the phone. “Danvers.”

Lena smiled as she responded. “At first I thought that the only way to save Kara was to put her under the

Gray Mercy again and hope that I can save her in time. I thought that my mother was telling the truth, which she was, that is _one_ way to do it, but there’s another way. A safer way, and I need you to get to the D.E.O. as soon as you can. I think I just figured it all out.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think this plan is something Alex will get behind?


	8. Chapter 8

“So, basically you want me to inject the Gray Mercy INTO HER BLOODSTREAM?” Alex asked incredulously, “And then put her under the Gray Mercy Again anyway? That’s not happening.”

Lena sighed. “No! There is a plant called _blue_ Mercy… it’s basically just an alien type of marijuana. It would make Kara easier to get through to. The Blue Mercy would be injected into her blood stream, it’d pause the effects of the gray mercy on her body for three hours, that way I would have plenty of time to show her that what she is seeing in there isn’t reality, and then _wallah_ We get Kara back.”

Alex sighed. “You really want her back, I’ll give you that. But until I test this plant out and make sure there are absolutely _zero_ risks to Kara’s health, I’m not letting it happen.”

Lena sighed. She knew that Alex was right… they couldn’t just take Lillian’s word for it… That would b e a gamble with Kara’s life, and neither of them wanted to do that. “You’re right.” She admitted. “We should make sure that this won’t make things worse for her.”

Alex smiled. “Now, where can we get our hands on a Blue Mercy plant?”

Lena smirked. “My mother’s hideout.”

 

**XXX**

Finding the Blue Mercy and bringing it to Alex was easy. What was _not_ easy was waiting for the tests to come through… Which could take weeks.

Something that was even _less_ easy than waiting, was being around a Kara that didn’t want to be with her. She’d noticed the subtle differences in the way they reacted as friends now; before their relationship, Kara had still been a touchy feely person; now, however, she wouldn’t even hug Lena. Which was becoming more and more painful by the second.

They were sitting on the same couch, two cushions between them, as they watched 50 first dates… IT was making things ten times harder, but Lena persevered, it was what Kara wanted to watch.

“Geeze,” Kara muttered. “That would be a devastating blow… The love of your life not remembering you? That would be more painful than anything else I can imagine.”

Lena swallowed. “What about if they have a type of amnesia where they think you did something horrible to them, but you’re an innocent victim? So they hate you for something that you didn’t do?”

Kara furrowed her brow. “That’s… a demented thought, Lee.” She laughed tentatively.

Lena frowned, _It’s a demented reality too._ She thought.

“You do know that I love you more than anything on this planet… Right?” She asked earnestly.

Kara’s tentative smile turned into a frown. “I wish you had acted like that then, Lena… Now let's just watch the movie, okay?”

Lena deflated, and couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. “I’m sorry” She murmured tearfully. “I should… I should go.”

She stood up abruptly, expecting Kara to try to stop her, but all that she was met with was a tearful response. “Could you please… not come back for a while? I can’t handle this anymore.” Kara croaked.

And oh… if Lena thought she’d been tortured the past month and a half… She was met with a brand new, sharp pain in her chest as she nodded her head, her back facing Kara. “T-take as long as you need, Kara. I’ll be waiting. I’ll always be waiting.” She uttered before she left the loft.

 

**XXX**

“She doesn’t want to see me anymore.” Lena cried out as soon as she walked into Sam’s apartment.

Sam’s face instantly morphed into one of empathy and confusion. “What!? Why!?”

Lena swallowed back her tears. “I was stupid.” She said self depreciatingly. “ Everything was going fine until I had the urge to tell her I love her like I always do, and I… I _told her_ , and it fucked everything up.”

Sam growled. “Stay here. Don’t move until Alex calls you.”

Lena furrowed her brow as confusion took over her mind. “Sam what the he-,” she didn’t even get to finish her sentence before the door slammed behind Sam.

 

**XXX**

Twenty minutes later she got a call from a frantic Alex. “Lena! Lena, I need you to get to the D.E.O. Immediately! It’s Kara… she’s in trouble.’

Lena’s heart dropped to the floor. She instantly grabbed her keys and ran out the door. “I’ll be there in five.” She replied, despite the fact that she lived fifteen minutes away.

She sped through the town as if she owned it, and before she knew it, she was at the D.E.O.

She ran through the building until she reached the Medical bay and caught Alex yelling at Sam.

“I DON’T CARE!’ She yelled. “I’m done. I can’t even believe you did this, Sam.” She lowered her voice to a grave tone. “I want your stuff out of my apartment, and I want my key back. I’m. DONE.”

Sam was crying. “I-I was just trying to help Lena.”

“AT THE EXPENSE OF MY SISTER’S LIFE!” Alex screamed. “If she dies, Sam… If she dies, I’m locking your ass up. This is unbelievable.”

Sam reached for Alex. “Please, Baby… I was j-,”

Alex yanked away. “Don’t.” She said sternly as she shook her head. “I will never forgive you for this. You need to leave, and don’t ever contact me again.”

Confusion swam through Lena, but first and foremost, anger rose through her… What had Sam done that risked Kara’s life? “Sam?” Lena asked calmly; giving her best friend the benefit of the doubt.

“W-what happened to Kara?”

Alex turned around and scoffed. “Yeah, Sam? What happened?”

Sam swallowed, her face covered in guilt. “I… Lena you have to know I did this all for you. I didn’t do it to _hurt_ her.”

Lena’s skin ran cold. “What. Did. You. Do to her?” She asked coldly.

“I… I couldn’t handle seeing you in pain anymore. I remembered everything Alex had said about trying to reverse the Gray Mercy so I figured, ‘if they’re not willing to do it, I will.’… I Went to Alex’s Lab, grabbed the Gray Mercy, and I went to Kara’s house. As soon as she opened the door, I threw it on her and then used a red Lamp to inject the Blue Mercy into her… She’s in there.”

Alex nodded. “I tried burning it off of her again, but it wouldn’t budge. I think the Blue Mercy injection made it stronger.”

Lena’s lip curled into a grimace as she faced Sam. “YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER!” She screamed. “She’s being tortured at this very moment for no reason!” She yelled once more before realization hit her. She faced Alex, having no time to deal with Sam at the moment. “Alex, we have to get me into her dream.”

Alex nodded, “Follow me.”

**XXX**

“Now, remember. The Blue Mercy gives you a little over three hours, so you have plenty of time. Don’t rush this and screw everything up. You have to wait until her mind plays the vision of you cheating before you can rush in.”

Lena nodded. “I know, I know. I’m going to get her out safely. I promise.”

And with that, Lena was sent to Kara’s nightmare.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Lena be able to save Kara in time?


	9. Chapter 9

The first thing Lena saw when she entered the dream world was Kara, crying in the middle of a pitch black room. She wanted to go to her, to save her, to _hold_ her and never let her go, but she couldn’t… She had to wait.

She watched as the area around them switched from pitch black, to a dream version of Kara’s loft, and hid behind a curtain behind Kara.

Lena watched as the front door opened, and Alex stepped in. “Kara! Why the hell do you always have to make my life miserable?! Can’t you just stop trying to show me up? You’re not special.”

Kara cried. “I-I’m s-sorry.” She whimpered.

Alex scoffed at her. “You know what? Fuck you. You’re the worst sister in the world! You never listen to me! I never asked for you! You ruined my life! You’re the reason my dad is gone! You’re the reason I couldn’t become a doctor! I hate you!”

Lena’s heart shredded itself as she watched what was happening. She had no idea Kara had so many insecurities… Insecurities that Lena knew stemmed from a lifetime of feeling guilty for merely existing.

But they were unfounded; Alex loved Kara. Loved her more than anything, they were each other’s best friends… So why did Kara feel so insecure?

Kara cried out. “Alex, please… I’m so sorry. For everything, if I could die in his place, I would.”

Alex glared. “I really wish that you could.” She snarled before the room turned pitch black once again.

Lena heard Kara continue to cry in the distance; breaking Lena’s heart all the more before the surroundings morphed into a futuristic looking bedroom lit in red.

A man and a woman, both wearing the same crest that Supergirl wore, appeared before Kara and started chastising her.

“Kara, all we asked of you was to look after Kal-El… why couldn’t you do that? Why must you shame us at every turn? You will never be as good as Kal-El. He’s a better Kryptonian than you. He’s a better hero than you… He’s a better _El_ than you.”

Kara let out a harsh sob. “Mom, Dad, please… I’m sorry. I tried everything I could, but my pod arrived too late. I’m so _sorry_.” She cried out.

Lena wanted to stop this, to make this all go away for Kara; she hated seeing her so hurt.

Lena felt guilt course through her for ever wanting to put Kara through this in the first place. Finally, Kara’s ‘parents’ disappeared and their surroundings once again morphed, this time, into the glass bowl office at CatCo, where Cat Grant appeared, staring at Kara angrily.

“Kiera!” Cat screeched. “You’re possibly the worst assistant I’ve ever had.”

Kara frowned. “B-but Miss Grant, I-,”  


Cat shook her head. “Miss Tessmacher is far better than you ever were, which is sad really; but I’m even more appalled by your lack of passion in your writing lately. It seems as though CatCo just has no use for you any longer. I’d very much like for you to pack up your things and leave.”

Kara cried out, “But writing _is_ my passion!”

Cat scoffed. “Really? Because it seems to me flying around playing hero takes precedence these days.”

Next was James, telling Kara that she was the worst girlfriend he’d ever had and that he regretted leaving Lucy for her.

Then Winn telling Kara that he regretted befriending her and going along with her Supergirl journey.

Then came Eliza, which was perhaps the most heartbreaking of them all.

The room morphed into Eliza’s living room, where she was taking down all the pictures of Kara that she had on her wall and throwing them into the lit fire pit. “Kara Zor-El… I regret agreeing to take you in, all you ever did was burden my family with your powers and inability to fit in to humanity. You even cost me, my husband. You weren’t worth the sacrifices we made.”

Kara fell to her knees, tears cascading down her face, as she began chanting over and over quietly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.”

Lena had tears of her own flowing freely down her face as her heart ripped and tattered a little more with each heartbroken apology that passed from Kara’s mouth.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, their surroundings morphed into Lena’s L-Corp office, and just as Kara grabbed the doorknob, Lena stopped her by gripping her wrist.

Lena watched Kara’s tear-sodden face look at her with confusion. “Lena?”

Lena nodded. “It’s me, baby. The _real_ Lena. The one in there isn’t real. None of this is. You’re under Gray Mercy; my mother had one of her Cadmus goons throw it on you when you were fighting them off. Alex doesn’t hate you. No one does, we all love you, Kara. So please, please come back to me. We all love you. Alex loves you. Your parents love you. Eliza loves you. James, Winn, and Cat all care for you, and I love you with every piece of me. I would never cheat on you. I would never hurt you. I would never do anything to risk losing you.  Being without you these past few months has been the worst experience of my life, and I _need_ you to come back to me. Come back to me Kara, so I can make amends for ignoring your feelings. So I can apologize for not taking into consideration how you might be feeling. But most importantly come back to me so I can put my engagement ring back on some day, because I can’t live without you Kara, and the only thing that’s been keeping me going is that I had hope that I could make you remember the truth.”

Kara’s brows stayed furrowed. The world began shaking as if there was just a massive earthquake. She looked at the doorknob in her hand and shook her head. “What’s happening?”

Lena swallowed, terrified of seeing what was behind that door if Kara still opened it. “You’re believing! Kara, Kara tell me you believe me, please.”

Kara shook her head in confusion. “You didn’t cheat on me?”

Lena shook her head. “No. I never would. You’re the only one in the world that I could give myself to. I’m yours Kara, and I always have been.”

“Promise?” Kara asked in a small, uncertain voice.

Lena nodded. “I promise baby. I love you. Only You. _Always_ you.”

Kara smiled, and let go of the doorknob. She turned so that she was face to face with Lena and cradled her face with both of her strong, Kryptonian hands. “You came to save me.”

Lena swallowed back her tears of utter euphoria; finally, _FINALLY,_ Kara was looking at her with love again. “Always.” She croaked out tearfully.

Kara smiled. “I love you, Lena. I love you so much that it hurts.”

Lena giggled through her tears, unable to help it… this was all she’d wanted to happen for the past two months, and she couldn’t help but feel giddy that it was finally happening… Kara finally loved her again. “I love you so much that it kills me inside when you aren’t smiling.”

Kara smiled. “Well with you, I’ll always be smiling.” And with that, Kara leaned in and connected their lips, but as soon as their lips touched, everything went black.


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up from the Gray Mercy was a nightmare. It made her nauseous, and her head was pounding like a metal head’s drum set, but when she opened her eyes and saw Kara crying, everything else went away and she rushed to her side.

“Kara? Baby?” Lena asked as she stepped tentatively closer.

“I’m a monster. I ruin everyone’s lives, Lena.” Kara cried. “How could I be such a selfish coward? I-I’m not good at anything, Lena. I’m a terrible sister, a worthless lover, a horrible writer, and a terrible friend. Whether those things wee real or not in there, it’s all true, and now you see it too.”

Lena’s heart ached as she shook her head. “No, _no_ Kara… None of that is true. You’re the best of all of us.”

Kara shook her head. “We shouldn’t be together, Lena. I don’t deserve you.”

Lena began to panic… this was _not_ how she expected this to go. “STOP IT!” She yelled, her voice shaking with the fear that she might _still_ lose Kara after everything they’d gone through the past two months. “I went into that gray mercy to save you because you are the love of my life. My soulmate. The other half of me. You don’t get to say you aren’t worthy of me when it is _me_ that’s unworthy of _you_. If you don’t want to be with me, it’s got to be because you don’t _want_ me, not because you think that you are _undeserving_ of me.”

“I… I don’t know if I can handle this right now.” Kara croaked out, tears gushing from her eyes.

“Oh, baby… If I had known how you were feeling… If I had known that you think so little of yourself, I’d never… I’d never had made you take care of me the way that I did. I’m so sorry, Kara, but I will make this up to you; and I will never disregard your feelings again. I swear to you.”

 

**XXX**

It hadn’t been easy to round them all up, especially not the Queen Of All Media, but she’d managed to do so in less than twenty-four hours and she was quite impressed with herself.

She stood in a room filled with the people that loved and cared for Kara the most. Alex and Eliza Danvers, Clark Kent and Lois Lane, Cat Grant, Winn Schott, and James Olsen… Everyone that could help with Kara’s terrifying insecurities. She just hoped that this would help Kara, because living without Kara being happy was starting to kill Lena.

“Now that I’ve gathered you all here, I need to ask you something.” She paused and waited for all the confused loved ones to silence. “How much do you love Kara Danvers?”

 

**XXX**

As soon as Kara reached the loft she heard the heartbeats… 8 of them including Lena’s… She was confused but as soon as she opened the door it all made sense… Clark and Lois were there to substitute her dead parents, and the rest were all there to have an intervention of sorts… Most likely to confirm what Kara already knew: She was worthless.

She opened her mouth to protest, but Lena wasn’t having any of it and spoke first. “Please just sit down and listen. That’s all I ask of you, if you still feel the same about yourself afterward, we can get you on anti-depressants. I’m not giving up on you, even if you aren’t my fiancée any longer.”

“I don’t need anti-depressants, Lena.” Kara said sadly. “I just need to be better.”

Alex let out a sob. “No! Kara, you’re perfect, it’s us who should have seen this. We’re the ones that need to be better, not you. You are the most amazing, intelligent, kind person I know. I’m so thankful that you came into our lives.”

Eliza nodded. “We both are sweetie, we love you so much, and we never want you to think otherwise. You’re a blessing, Kara, and we love you with our entire hearts. We wouldn’t change a single thing about you, or our lives with you.”

Kara swallowed back tears. “You don’t… blame me for Jeremiah?”

They both shook their heads. “Absolutely not! Kara, what happened was not your fault, it was the D.E.O.’s fault for not taking care of him properly. Nothing about his death was on you, Kar’ we both know that and we don’t want you to blame yourself either.” Alex said.

“She’s right. Honey, you’ve done nothing but bring us joy since you first stepped onto our porch. Never doubt our love for you, Kara. You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to this family.”

Kara ran over to them and embraced them both in a group hug, tears of sadness mixed with tears of joy, and Lena felt like she finally, _finally_ did something right by Kara.

 

**XXX**

The rest of the next two hours went surprisingly similar, all of the people there loved Kara unconditionally, and they all made it known as clear as they possibly could that Kara’s insecurities were unfounded… Especially Clark; who went as far as arm wrestling Kara to prove that she was the superior Kryptonian between the two of them.

Now, it was just Kara and Lena, standing on opposite sides of Kara’s living room, with only one question on Lena’s mind.

“How are you?” She asked nervously.

Kara sighed. “Overwhelmed, but over all I’m feeling a lot better.”

Lena smiled, her heart filling with happiness. “I’m glad. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

Kara shook her head. “I know that I had every right to be hurt because of what I thought had happened with you and Jess, but I still want to ap-,”

“Don’t.” Lena shook her head, stopping Kara dead in her tracks. “Don’t apologize. I’m tired of you always feeling bad about things that weren’t your fault. I knew what was going on, and although it destroyed me, I’m not an asshole. You did nothing wrong, it hurt like hell, I’ll admit that, but you still did nothing wrong, and I won’t have you believing otherwise.”

Kara smiled. “You’re amazing, Lena.”

“So are you, Kara. I just wish you saw yourself the way I see you.” Lena admitted sadly.

Kara stepped closer to Lena. “I love you.” She whispered.

Lena’s breath hitched as Kara’s hands grabbed her hips. “I love you too. More than anything.” She avowed, praying that this was finally the moment she’d been wishing for from the very beginning. That this was Kara’s moment of realization, and that she would take Lena back.

Kara smiled. And leaned in to press a tender kiss on Lena’s forehead. “I have things that I need to work out before I burden you with a relationship… Do you think you can wait for me?”

Lena’s heart fell, but she understood that Kara just needed time… Time that Lena would give her without a second thought. “Darling you’re never a burden to me, but I understand and I will wait… I’d wait an eternity for you.”


	11. Chapter 11

A week after Kara found her way back to herself, Lena was sitting in her living room, curled on her couch watching a documentary on the evolution of science when a voice startled her.

“Do you think Alex and Sam will make up?”

Lena jumped but then laughed at herself before turning her head to stare at the love of her life. “No.” She said honestly. “And neither will Sam and I.”

Kara sighed. “I’m not going to say that I enjoyed being under the gray mercy because it was absolute torture, but it was worth it if it means that you’re happier now.”

Lena frowned. “You could have _died_ , Kara. She knew that we were exploring a safer alternative and she disregarded all warnings anyway. I will never forgive her for that.”

“Lena…”

Lena shook her head. “If the tables were turned… IF she did that to Alex or me, would you forgive her?”

Kara frowned and lowered her head, a sign of defeat.

“Exactly,” Lena said. “You’d hate her. Probably lock her up. We love you just as much as you love us, Kara. What she did was inexcusable and unforgivable.”

Kara sighed. “Well, I don’t hate her.”

Lena shrugged. “Okay. We do.”

“I don’t hate you either, now.” Kara smiled.

Lena’s heart fluttered at the shiny white teeth that were flashed her way. “I love you.” She avowed.

Kara smiled. “I love you too… I still need time though, Lena. I’m not ready yet.”

Lena nodded. “I know.” She acquiesced. “Believe me I do.”

“I do love you, though Lena. This is just a lot to process.” Kara admitted, her face morphed into one of utter sadness.

Lena’s heart ached as she grabbed Kara’s hand. “I know, sweetheart.” She replied. “Can I ask you something, though?”

Kara nodded.

“When you look into the future, do you see us married with a cat and three dogs, or do you see yourself single?”

Kara opened and closed her mouth like a fish before she deflated. “I don’t see anything right now.”

Lena fought back tears, resigning to the fact that Kara truly did need more time. “Then I’ll wait until you see something. However long that may be.”

Kara had tears in her eyes. “I wish this wasn’t happening.”

“I do too, Darling,” Lena whispered as tears silently fell from her eyes. “I do too.”

**XXX**

Game nights were awkward. Kara still invited Sam, which made Alex avoid them, and Lena wanted to scream because being around Kara was even more painful than it was before and she had no one to vent to. Winn was too nervous to give advice, and James refused to talk about anything but the games.

So she was stuck, sitting next to her ex-best friend watching the love of her life be the bubbly ball of joy that she always was.

This was the third one in three months that Lena had attended since Kara went through the Gray Mercy disaster. And now that it was wrapping up, Lena wanted to talk to Kara to see if she had made up her mind about them yet; because although she was waiting, and would continue to wait for eternity, she really didn’t want to.

She watched as Kara hugged James goodbye, and then made her move… Walking straight up to Kara and hugging her tightly. “I need to talk to you,” Lena whispered.

Kara nodded. “I need to talk to you too.”

 “You do?” Lena asked nervously.

“Yes. I think it’s time for us to start over.” Kara said bashfully. “I-If that’s something you’d still want of course.”

Lena yelped with joy and slammed her mouth onto Kara’s, kissing the hero until their lungs gave out.

She pulled back panting, Kara, standing there with a dopey grin on her face. “Wow,” Lena muttered

Kara giggled. “Yeah… Wow.”

 

**XXX**

They were cuddled against each other on Kara’s bed, Lena relishing being in Kara’s strong embrace once again. “I love you,” Kara responded happily.

Lena’s heart somersaulted with joy. “I love you too, baby. I never want to lose you again.”

Kara shook her head. “You never will.”

Lena sighed contentedly, once again, reveling in how amazing it felt to be in Kara’s arms when Kara asked a question that terrified Lena. “Why hasn’t your mother tried to kill me again? Do you think she gave up?”

Lena swallowed nervously. “Um... no.”

“Then why?” Kara asked confusedly. “It’s not like her to stop trying to hurt people. Especially for this long.”

Lena sighed, her heart pounding terrified in her chest. “I think it’s because she is locked up in my basement.”

Kara sat up with her superspeed and fixed Lena with a confused expression. “What?”

Lena averted her eyes, fear, and guilt coursing through her veins. “I-… I have her locked up in Lab D.”

“Sam’s old cage?” Kara asked.

Lena gulped, unable to tell if Kara was angry or not. “Yes.” She whispered nervously.

She expected Kara to shout, to cry, to leave her all over again… to break her heart…. But what she hadn’t expected was for Kara to laugh.

Lena looked up at her, confusion and worry in her heart. “Kara? What’s so funny?”

“You should really be on the D.E.O’s payroll… You’re doing their job far better than they are.” Kara snorted.

Lena smiled, relief flooding her system. “Oh thank god.” She breathed. “I thought you were going to be furious with me.”

Kara shook her head, still overcome with laughter. “No.” She laughed. “One less problem for Supergirl to deal with.” She finally caught her breath and stared a nervous Lena in the eyes. “You’re amazing.”

Lena furrowed her brow. “For locking my mother up in a makeshift prison?”

Kara shook her head. “No. For saving my life… again.”

“It’s more like saving my own life, really… because I can’t live without you.”

Kara smiled. “And now you’ll never have to.” She said as she leaned in and kissed Lena with passion Lena had never before felt. It overwhelmed all of her senses and took her breath away all in one. It was something she’d never felt before, and something she never could go without again.

They pulled back and rested their foreheads against each other. “Marry me.” Kara demanded. “Put my ring back on your finger, and marry me. Tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter, I know... but what do you think Lena will say?


	12. Chapter 12

Lena’s heart ruptured with pure joy at Kara’s gentle demand, she wanted to say yes more than anything else in the world, but she wasn’t sure Kara wouldn’t regret marrying her within a few weeks.

“Kara… You just told me three months ago that you didn’t even see yourself with a future. Why would you want to marry me now?”

Kara smiled and kissed Lena’s nose. “Because now when I see my future, I see myself writing, saving the world, spending time with Alex, and sharing it al with you. I see myself coming home from work and making love to you in our jacuzzi tub before bed. I see birthdays and holidays spent with you, kissing you, holding you, _loving_ you. So, put my ring back on your beautiful left ring finger, and spend a Kryptonian lifetime with me.”

Lena was overwhelmed with euphoria, so the only thing she could do was shakily comply. She took her tremoring hand, and reached into her left pants pocket, pulling out the ring that she’d been carrying with her everywhere for the past five months.

The green life-prolonging rock that was in the center of the band still shined brightly when it hit the light, and Kara smiled. “May I?” She asked as she reached out her open palm.

Lena swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded as she placed the ring she loved dearly into Kara’s waiting palm.

“Will you marry me, Lena Kieran Luthor? Will you marry me and let us spend the rest of our lives together?”

Lena let out a happy sob because the last time she heard those words they’d been demolished only four weeks later. “Yes!”

Kara smiled from ear to ear as she slid the ring onto Lena’s ring finger. “I love you,” Kara whispered. “I love you; I love you, I love you.”

Lena gripped Kara like her life would leave her body if she ever let go. “I love you more, Kara Zor-El. I love you and only you. Forever.”

 

**XXX**

 

Their first kiss as Wife and Wife was glorious. Alex, Eliza, Winn, and James were all there to witness their vows and were currently clapping like idiots for them as they kissed.

They were sitting in pews inside the Municipal Building. It wasn’t a church, it wasn’t some fancy venue, but Lena didn’t care. To make it official all she needed was Kara and a witness, and that was all she craved… Kara to officially be her wife.

 The kiss deepened when Kara stuck her tongue into Lena’s mouth, and Lena moaned into it, in front of everyone; which would be slightly embarrassing any other day but this one.

“WOO! That’s my sister!” Alex whistled from her pew, causing Kara to laugh into the kiss.

Lena didn’t mind though, because Kara was hers again, Kara was her _wife_ now; and most importantly, Kara was **_happy_**. Those three things were all she could ever wish for.

They pulled apart seconds later, and Kara grinned at her wife. “I’m going to make you do a whole lot of that later.” She crooned, causing Lena and the Officiant to blush.

Lena smiled through her embarrassment. “I’m looking forward to it, Darling.”

 

**XXX**

It’d been a year since everything had happened. Lena and Kara had been living their lives in bliss, Alex had been dating, everything had been going swell… Until Kara got a call that changed their lives forever.

Sam.

Sam had had an accident, a terrible one. She’d been forced into an induced coma, and they weren’t sure that if she woke up, she would be able to walk again.

The first person Kara told was Alex, who’s face drained of color as she shakily ran to her car and drove straight to the hospital. Lena knew that Alex still loved Sam, she was just too angry to face that.

Lena still cared for Sam, she did, but she was furious with the woman too… However, she didn’t wish Sam dead.

**XXX**

A month later, Lena and Kara walked into Sam’s hospital room to see Alex waiting by Sam’s bed side. Just as Lena was about to ask how the doctors said Sam was doing, eyes that hadn’t opened in a month, squinted and then cracked.

“A-Alex?”

Alex’s head shot up. “Sam!?”She asked hopefully.

Sam smiled shyly. “Hi.”

“Hi!” Alex laughed tearfully. “You gave us one hell of a scare.”

“I scared you? I thought… I thought that you hate me.” Sam admitted, tears brimming her eyes.

Alex shook her head. “I don’t. I was just so _furious_ with you. You risked my sister’s life, Sam! You went behind my back! I can’t lose Kara, but when I heard the news about your accident, I realized that I couldn’t lose you either.”

Sam swallowed audibly. “What about that Kate woman? I thought that you two were-.”

“Done.” Alex interrupted. “She and I are done, Sam.”

“S-So you want me again?” Sam asked, hope evident in her voice.

Alex smiled. “More than anything.”

 

 

**Two Years Later**

It had been an exhausting day, Lena had five meetings with separate board members, all who were reluctant to be bought out, but Lena was adamant that she wanted full control of her company, and now that she had it within arm’s reach, she wasn’t about to lose it…

She opened the door to her apartment to the smell of her favorite Greek dish, Moussaka. She hummed delightedly as she placed her purse and keys on the dining room table and entered the kitchen.

She saw her wife humming contentedly at the stove as she placed a few more ingredients into a pan ad the Moussaka baked in the oven. “I love you more than anything.” Lena avowed as she wrapped her arms around Kara’s waist.

Kara pushed herself into Lena. “Because of the food, or because of my _enchanting_ personality?” she asked teasingly.

Lena giggled. “Why not both?”

Kara turned around, and pushed Lena up against the counter and slammed their lips together. Lena moaned out in satisfaction momentarily before they were rudely interrupted.

“UGH! God, get a _room_ you two!” Alex called as she entered the room carrying a diaper bag, next to Sam who was holding their newborn son.

“This whole house is ours,” Kara interjected before she pulled away from Lena and walked over to hold her nephew.

Lena smiled as she watched Alex kiss her wife lovingly, and then watched as her own beautiful Kryptonian wife doted over their nephew, and she felt at peace.

She’d never dreamed that a Luthor could find a happy ending, but then she laughed as she remembered… she wasn’t a Luthor anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!  
> As always, thank you for reading!


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